My table is prepared and full.
By Glory Ebengo
No introduction needed.
I often find myself drowning in the midsts of what ifs. The very questions which
designed the trajectory of my mind. The what ifs which circumnavigate my thoughts
to places I seek to be. The places in mind projected by inspiration. I ask myself what
inspired the ifs and I answer the questions with ‘id rather be there than here’. The
what ifs that simply bring me ounces of hope in a space of utter clutter. I am the
hoarder of what ifs. A collection of maybes and not absolutes. A space of inquisitive
desire to be anywhere but here. I am tired of the friendship breaks, the not getting
my way, the ‘God I thought I excruciated this perfectly’, the ‘they did me wrong God’.
That used to be the thought.
See, despite my growth I still often find myself looking back, what could I have done
better? Could I have avoided this? I look back at things I can’t change and I’m
laughing now but when I look it hurts. I seem to be so set on what could’ve been that
what is and what is to come is dismissed. What if? That question is worse than
asking why. I shifted to a narrative where I am no longer in control of what I can’t
control. Hear me. We are amongst many things we cannot control. So why are you
now battling with life to get your way? I’ve learnt how to leave things in God’s hands
and it has probably been the best decision I’ve made this year.
Let’s talk about it.
I came across a video and the man said “Let God prepare a table for you”. Hmm me
too I didn’t know exactly what it meant sha but hear this. See when someone has
something prepared for you they have you in mind. Intention. God has me in mind.
Deep that. The only person that can stand in the way of God’s fullness for you is
yourself. This is where we all laugh so much to a point where we now cry. You. You
Miss self sabotage. You Mr I can do it on my own. No you can’t. Your creator has
you in mind, the table is prepared for you and you alone, with what? With intention.
‘I’m Tired but my table is prepared’
I would be a hypocrite if I say I don’t do the same you are looking at the queen of
self-sabotage. A lot of that is due to me finding comfortability with what I knew best.
Chaos. It’s not like I chose it.
I was just very familiar with it and at the time I knew that more than I knew and
understood peace. The chaos stemmed from trauma. Yes that word that we all hate.
Trauma is a Greek word for wound. Trauma is a wound that you sustain. You can be
wounded not by catastrophic events but by good things that should be happening
that are not being seen in life. Trauma is not just what happened to you but what
happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. Recognising what trauma is
, is internal psychological wounds. That word sustain is funny.
Sustenance
sustenance
/ˈsʌst(ə)nəns,ˈsʌstɪnəns/
noun
1. The maintaining of someone or something in existence.
2. means of support, maintenance, or subsistence
3. a supplying or being supplied with the necessaries of life
Pleaseooo I’m no psychologist I just come to speak about how I perceive life. See
that word maintaining, I maintained my what ifs, my past and trauma to conduct my
life. It was the very thing that sustained me but also the very thing that reframed me
to desire more and to desire better. Sustenance. Number 3 is incredibly key. ‘Being
supplied with the necessaries of life’, look at this , if the table is already prepared for
me in the presence of my enemies (Psalms 23:5), then that means God has
provided me everything I need to get to the table and to eat at the table, I am being
supplied with all the necessaries of life. Sustenance. So why am I scared? Why am I
frightened? Why am I thinking about the what ifs? All things are ready if our mind be
so. Shakespeare didn’t lie.
I want you to remember that, yes yesterday was ugly, maybe today too but there is a
banquet waiting for you. A banquet that you’ve longed and sought for. Allow these
situations to reframe your perspective on life and be filled with the necessary things
which should sustain your spirit. You got this babe, I don’t doubt it. Thank you for
tuning into another episode of Couch Talks With Glo.
General G,
Glo.
